date: Monday, March 27, 2006 @ 10:27 pm
title: Mono mono
Alright. Monday blues.. Home is the best place to hide from the terrible world out there. I'm afraid of globalisation! I feel naked in the wired society where being watched by CCTV effortlessly is justified as surveillence security. Okie.. how did i get here? :sAfternoon was a smash! Aggressive intercession with the part-timers. I reckon I got back my motivation to pray out loud. POL. How to determine you did a fairly applaudable job - no voice left. Anyway. back to basics again. the account still have a few discrepencies that I overlooked again with just pressumption that everything is fine and the case is closed finally with a big fat chop to seal it. But its not the case when its being vet thru. More detailed work needed to be done.Evening was a consumer killer. Dashed to meet Sister for dinner at our usual hang out. Ate at the place where I met Ziyi after going thru a tormenting session of selection test for my own favourite pair a eyewear. Its seducingly black with passion red outlining within the specs itself. Its naughty hot and silky black. I love it. I hope the world will love it too. Aggressive red - that's colour that I take pride in. It symbolises passion.climax. hot and spicy :) Yes! Back to dinner.. Had sushi and awesome delicious soft crab and steam egg and bla bla bla. Oh! I feel haven overflowing as the bits of them gradually slipped down my pipe. 30 plus. Nice number for a meal such as this. Scoopz was next to be licked by me and spoonfed by Sis. The lady love us. She gave a BIG BIG double scoop- durian & peach. I'm very blessed cos I can put on many many weight (hehehe..) after devouring the poor freezing balls on the cone. Of course. The night is getting slightly late - bus stop the next stop.Mental note:Hmm.. someone didn sms me the whole day. Aiya.. dunno lar. maybe the phone died. Patience my friend. Patience. Love it and embrace it.
date: Sunday, March 26, 2006 @ 10:32 pm
title: Sunday.
Okie. Worship was great and strange. Maybe its when you are desperate and deperately in need for answer. encounter. confirmation. You will be full of hunger and that sometimes will ignite your sense of humor. I cried. Not the usual 'I love Jesus!' but the 'Oh my.. oh my.. I'm gonna to die if you dun touch me today! Please I beg you! COMMMMME!!' He didn't come. I ran to Him with my luggages of emotions. I came to the cross and left all my burden there. I kneed. I raised my head and saw the glorious moment - the man whom came and died for my sins. He was up there. Nail by the limps. Hung in the air. I opened my eyes and Pastor was the one I saw overlapping Him. Two became one - its the first time I saw Jesus in Pastor. The rays shone from her back. Wow.. All my fears and weakness just faded away.. I felt couragous. I was filled with awe for the very long time since I dunno when. I broke in tear. That's my mom. The one who chose me when noone else would..
'I need to be poor so that they can be made rich.' That's what I took home from Pastor Osawa's sermon. Poverty is everywhere. Poor has a new meaning. new image in Singapore. The poor are those who are emotionally bankrupted. collaspes mentally. I need to reach out to them and give them a hope and a purpose in life. They need what I call Vitamin J - Jesus.. Youths are taking off from tall buildings to end their journey on earth way too early. They dun need solution. They need a meaning. A meaning to their life. I knew where to get from but many don't. I asked for one today and received a new heart. a new hope. a new strength. brand new self image. Time to move on. Time to focus when you can. It never too late.
Going offline to read the Fresh Faith :)
date: @ 9:48 am
title: Sidenote.
Self Commentary:Looking thru the old stuff. I realised I have been so disorganised organised and unstructured structure in both my thoughts and feelings. Pitiful pitiful.. The deeper I went, the darker I felt, the more confused I found myself to be. Sometimes I try so hard, I forgot to BE hard. Both internally and externally.Too little desrie. Too much passion.Sprouting in a false world has given me the false impression how influential our society is that induced a series of immature assumption of the myself. The 'frog in the well.' That's me. Wildlife Team surprised me with a froggy softy frog on my 'Crossing 18' day. There's a note inside saying: 'You will be the Prince Charming of ONE one day.. Ha!' I guess its no coincidence of that gift. It's a pun. I can either choose to dream to be the Prince Charming of 36 tadpoles as they have propheied or remain as the frog in the well all the time. Double meaning. Separate destinies. Same destination. God is hinting me and I hope I got the right interpretation. I guess there's no harm confirming with Pastor...
date: Tuesday, March 14, 2006 @ 1:31 am
title: Vision..
If you can't confess, you dun have a vision
Confession is such an importance that many great minds like me tend to over look the significance and relate silence as gold, which the worldly sayings, most of the time sounds logical, but in comparison to God's word, they are utter rubbish.
Discipleship style staff meething. Connect group. SOL II. Children Ministry debriefing. Discipleship Sunday Sermon. All these moments are not conincidental.
I learnt a great lesson - Fear God.
It's true that every christian loves God or should I say, who dun love those they treasure most? I do, not out od obilgation but with geniune love. But what makes a christian, a disciple by God's standard during the Pentacost is fearing God.
Love will wear out. Love will fade. Love will extingush. Love will disappear. But what holds the person from backsliding and return to the old ways - fearing God. If you do fear, you will think twice before committing the irreversible effect that you will give the Devil a foothold of your weakness, which will gradually mutate into a stronghold. If you fear losing God, you will become desperate and unsatisfied with the present and dream big for the future. Building castles in the sky and do whatever it takes to fulfill that dream.
If you fear losing someone precious, you will go the extra mile for that special someone and that gives you one less reason to mutter that life is boring. 90 percent of our destiny lies on other people, who we are is a reflection of who we hang out with and not as well. 10 percent lies on ourselves, the attitude we hold and the mentality we treasure - unless 'u forsake all and carry your cross and follow me', you have not experience true living.
Strait Times. Batman comic. Random TV series. Gundam Seed Destiny.
God can speak thru the secluar.
Nothing is too insignificant for God to use to get His idea across. He can either choose to make you understand or remain stubborn, a literal example of throwing pearls to sown. Being legalistic is not the way to become a strong christian, its the way of becoming a shrivel one. I am very sure I need to break that and to be renewed by faith. Everyday. Anytime.
Its a battle out there, but its not the physical weapons that we use, its the supernatural ability plus Godly wisdom to execute them. I have decided.. I wan to become a politician. That is very bold to ask for but I am going to do it by faith and loads of prayer.
Everything by Prayer. Nothing without it. One world sold out for Jesus.Are you ready to run on water?
date: Saturday, March 11, 2006 @ 9:20 am
title: Choice.
It's been a tired tired tired race that I am running.
Everytime when I attempt to take a breather, people say I'm slacking.
Everything when I attempt to go the extra mile, people say I'm crazy.
Will you still follow me if you do not get recognition for the things your do?
Will you still follow me when your loved ones backstabbed you?
Will you still follow me when your goodwill is veiled to be a bad deed?
Will you?
To make a choice is like killing me.
I dislike. I hate. I detest. I just dun wan to make a choice. As much as I can confess about my willingness but my heart is still in bondage of the reluctance to be freed by the truth.
The truth will set you free.
What is truth?
Fear God.
How many people can remember their first times? I can. I will.
The first big blast that I got pertaining to my attitude still lingers within me occassionally its been put on the shelf to collect dust, but at times it haunts me as I close my eyes. Maybe being hard on myself is a channel for me to numb those experiences. I really forget the meaning of rest. Its like a rarity that I get to enjoy it once in awhile. My time is stretched like rubber band. My physical is streched like a rubber band. My mind is stretched like a rubber band. When I have the chance to take a break, all collapses. I became paralysised.
I asked myself when is the last time I slept well? When is the last time I ate well? When is the last time I sat well? All the time. All the time. All the time. But I'm lying. Lying Lying. With the amount of stress that falls on my left shoulder - studies. With the amount of stress that falls on my right shoulder - non-studies. The combination of both pressed me into the quicksand of the valley. I suffocate. I drown. Tiny molecules filled my lungs. I died. I slept. But my mind still thinking.
Why am I so heartless to myself? In turn heartless to my loved ones?
Cos I am constantly in delusion. I constantly bluffing myself through and through, night and day that I can cope. I can cope. I can cope. But the truth is that the path is not ready for me and I'm walking on muddy water, thick and smelly. I'm laying hold on the wrong things at the wrong season. My refusal to give up is both a virtue and tragic flaw.
You are not God. STOP BEING ONE!
Submit your mind to the Lordship. Lay your trouble at His foot. Cease all false saying. Come and feast for tomorrow you will do great wonders. Carry no burden with you but have my yoke for it is light and fits well. Hold onto the Cross. Desire Godly wisdom. Seek truth. Ask to find. Accept discipline. Praise Big. Bless abundently. Plan your way. Stay out of the highways and the byways. Start being a man. Stop being a kid. Be active to make things possible. Be passive towards unworthy treasures. For if you are worthy, the worthy you beget.
Do whatever it takes. Take a stand. Stick to your stand. Cheirsh your stand.
Putting aside doesn't mean you will lose it forever. You need to know what you want. You need to be brutal to sin, not sinners. Noone can do it for you, only you can do it for yourself. Don't worry so much. Faith is all you need. There is always consequences to your actions, but if it's within God's plan, you will pull through. You will never know, until you have tried it. Tested your substance. Come out from your comfort zone.
Ask. Ask. Ask. Knock. Knock. Knock. Bang. Bang. Bang.
eh.. I see that you mustard seed is glowing within you. It's coming back. The 'You' is coming home to papa's room.
